Nighttime Personalities Target Trump's Controversial 'Gold Card' Residency Program
Late-night's top entertainers spent the broadcast criticizing former President Donald Trump's recently unveiled visa program, called the "golden visa," describing it as a clear cash-for-residency system for the wealthy.
Colbert's Pointed Spin
Opening his program, Stephen Colbert delivered a sardonic Christmas song about the president. "He's making a list, reviewing it twice, before handing that list to the officials at ICE," he crooned. "The President ... spoils each thing he touches."
Colbert's target was the controversial program which permits foreign individuals to acquire U.S. residence for a sum of one million dollars, or "premium" version for 5 million. An official website promises approval "faster than ever."
"One note here to affluent foreigners: before you pay, have you considered Canada?" Colbert joked.
He noted that the program is also meant to "squeeze cash" from companies wanting to hire skilled workers, involving hefty fees. "That's a lot of fees, though if you register, you also get free accommodation at a property of your selection – provided that it's the Tampa Marriott Bonvoy," he continued.
"The best background check the U.S. government has before done," remarked Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "that $15,000 vetting to make sure these applicants completely are eligible to be in America."
"That is important, you gotta prove you're fit to be an American," Colbert said dryly. "The initial query: how many burgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"
Jimmy Kimmel's Humorous Roast
On his own program, Jimmy Kimmel dubbed the visa program the "Get Into America Express Card."
"This is a card that will permit affluent international individuals to live here," he explained. "In exchange for a million bucks, you get official visitor status, you get a pathway to citizenship, and a presidential pardon for one significant crime of your selection."
"Perhaps it's time to revise that message on the Statue of Liberty – never mind your huddled masses. Give us a million bucks, you're in!" he joked.
Kimmel lampooned the simplicity of the application, saying it is "tougher to start a Wordle account." He said that Trump "sees citizenship is something you can sell, like a condo."
"Indeed, the finest people are the rich people," Kimmel quipped. "It's what Jesus constantly said! It's in the Bible. He says it's easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle if you give the needle a million dollars."
Seth Meyers on Economic Struggles
Elsewhere, Seth Meyers focused on Trump's plunging poll numbers during economic concerns. "People gave Donald Trump a another term since they were angry about the economy," he explained.
Recently, in a bid to tackle prices, Trump conducted a press conference in front of a array of grocery items, where he reacted strangely to some cereal.
"What a nice job, I think I'm going to take some of them with me to my home and have a lot of fun," Trump remarked. "Like the Cheerios, I haven't seen Cheerios in a while."
"He is so fucking weird," Meyers reacted. "What do you mean, you're going to take them home to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What are you gonna do with those Cheerios?"
Meyers finished by criticizing right-leaning media arguments of Trump's economic record. "Perhaps rather than voicing concerns, you should give him a sparkling trophy similar to what FIFA did," he laughed.
