Those Words shared by A Parent Which Rescued Me as a First-Time Parent

"I think I was merely trying to survive for twelve months."

One-time Made In Chelsea cast member Ryan Libbey expected to handle the challenges of becoming a dad.

Yet the actual experience quickly became "very different" to what he'd imagined.

Serious health problems around the birth caused his partner Louise being hospitalised. All of a sudden he was thrust into acting as her chief support as well as looking after their baby boy Leo.

"I was doing all the nights, each diaper… every stroll. The duty of both mum and dad," Ryan shared.

Following 11 months he became exhausted. That was when a talk with his father, on a public seat, that helped him see he couldn't do it alone.

The direct phrases "You aren't in a healthy space. You need support. In what way can I support you?" paved the way for Ryan to express himself truthfully, look for assistance and start recovering.

His situation is far from unique, but infrequently talked about. Although the public is now more comfortable discussing the pressure on mothers and about PND, less is said about the challenges fathers encounter.

Asking for help is not weak to ask for help

Ryan thinks his challenges are symptomatic of a broader inability to open up amongst men, who still absorb negative ideas of masculinity.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the harbour wall that just gets smashed and remains standing time and again."

"It's not a show of weakness to ask for help. I was too slow to do that quick enough," he adds.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist specialising in mental health pre and post childbirth, notes men frequently refuse to admit they're finding things difficult.

They can believe they are "not the right person to be seeking help" - especially in front of a mum and baby - but she highlights their mental well-being is just as important to the unit.

Ryan's conversation with his dad provided him with the opportunity to request a break - going on a few days abroad, away from the home environment, to gain perspective.

He realised he required a shift to consider his and his partner's feelings as well as the practical tasks of caring for a infant.

When he opened up to Louise, he discovered he'd missed "what she was yearning" -holding her hand and paying attention to her words.

Self-parenting

That insight has reshaped how Ryan views fatherhood.

He's now penning Leo weekly letters about his journey as a dad, which he hopes his son will read as he gets older.

Ryan thinks these will enable his son better understand the expression of emotion and interpret his approach to fatherhood.

The notion of "reparenting" is something rapper and songwriter Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

As a child Stephen was without reliable male a father figure. Despite having an "amazing" relationship with his dad, deep-held difficult experiences caused his father found it hard to cope and was "in and out" of his life, making difficult their bond.

Stephen says bottling up feelings resulted in him make "bad choices" when in his youth to modify how he felt, seeking comfort in alcohol and substances as a way out from the pain.

"You gravitate to things that don't help," he notes. "They might briefly alter how you are feeling, but they will eventually cause more harm."

Tips for Managing as a First-Time Parent

• Open up to someone - if you feel overwhelmed, confide in a family member, your spouse or a therapist how you're feeling. It can help to ease the pressure and make you feel less alone.
• Remember your hobbies - continue with the activities that made you feel like yourself before having a baby. It could be playing sport, socialising or gaming.
• Don't ignore the body - nutritious food, staying active and where possible, resting, all contribute in how your mind is doing.
• Meet other new dads - sharing their journeys, the difficult parts, and also the joys, can help to validate how you're feeling.
• Remember that seeking help does not mean you've failed - looking after yourself is the best way you can care for your household.

When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen expectedly struggled to accept the passing, having been out of touch with him for a long time.

As a dad now, Stephen's committed not to "repeat the pattern" with his boy and instead give the stability and emotional support he did not receive.

When his son is about to have a meltdown, for example, they practise "shaking the feelings out" together - expressing the emotions constructively.

Each of Ryan and Stephen say they have become more balanced, healthier men since they acknowledged their pain, altered how they talk, and taught themselves to manage themselves for their kids.

"I am now more capable of… processing things and dealing with things," says Stephen.

"I expressed that in a message to Leo last week," Ryan adds. "I said, sometimes I believe my job is to teach and advise you on life, but actually, it's a dialogue. I am discovering an equal amount as you are on this path."